June 2009
1 post
LOL
My Tumblarity is 3.
May 2009
28 posts
“Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I am...”
– (via infinitybegins) I’ve heard this elsewhere, and I remember really liking it. It’s one of those quotes that just soars straight to my heart.
Do you ever wonder why the music gets you high?
I really love playing music so loud that I can’t even hear myself breathe-though if I could, I would hear my lungs working in time with the beat. The only thing thing I’m able to feel is the bass line drumming into my soul; the chords entering through my ears, traveling down my throat and winding around my spine; forcing my body to move. Swaying, bopping, twisting, jumping, dancing....
“Make me beautiful.
A perfect soul, a perfect mind, a perfect face;
A perfect...”
– The Engine Room
There will beauty from my pain.
I haven’t written anything in days. I haven’t done anything in days. (Oh, well, I did get my tattoo, but that was the highlight.) I suppose I’m in one of those funks where it seems like your life has stopped. This always tends to happen to me around big events (such as my birthday). It feels like time slows down to an inconceivable crawl in the period before the event; I always...
“I’d rather see you once a year than someone else seven days a week.”
– Full House (via finallyseeing) [Though once a year is nowhere near enough.]
I met with her under a tree.
So, I woke up this morning with a tune in my head. A simple one, merely 7 notes. But with it came words. Out of nowhere, these words burned themselves into my mind, and I rushed to write them down. While I was writing, I had no idea what they were; I was just copying them down from what I saw. When I finished, I looked over it, and it turns out that it’s a poem. Each line is exactly 7...
You
would be the best birthday present that I could ask for. Please follow through with your plans? <3
I am small; I am needy; warm me up, and breathe...
Let me just start out by saying: Fasting is sofreakingdifficult. Alright. Now that that’s out of the way, I can get on to the more important things. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I know I say that a lot, and it probably seems repetitive and silly, but I really do. More than anyone could ever understand. Being so far away from you is tearing me apart. I feel empty, broken, and...
“Living in your head
Without anything to numb you
Living on the edge
Without...”
– Numb- Sia
Madness is what you demonstrate; and that's...
I don’t really know how to put into words what I’m feeling, or what I want to describe. (I never really do, do I?) I tried defining the words “perfection” and “control” to get my point across, but I could think of no way to actually do so. The web definitions of such words are empty; hollow. How could I put something so shallow down for two things that are so...
I want to...
unlimitedbxf:
…run, jump, climb, and swim.
This world is my playground, and I intend to have fun.
Yes to this whole thing. God damn it, yes to your entire blog. Why are you such a fantastic writer?
Scream while there's life left.
infinitybegins:
I’m tired of trying to explain all of the ways that rape has affected me and why. A lot of people just do not understand it, and I am completely ashamed of myself for it. It makes me feel weak, and cowardly. It makes me suddenly realize in the midst of conversation about it that my thighs feel to big and my waist does not feel small enough. It makes me want to apologize for not...
My father, the Jew.
Dad: You know the candy JuJuBe's right?
Me: Yeah, of course. What about them?
Dad: Well I heard they came out with a new, cheaper kind. They're made with totally artificial ingredients, and it costs half as much to make.
Me: Really? What are they called?
Dad: Jew-Jew-Bags.
Me: ...Oh god.
A Plausible Finish, by Charles Bukowski
There ought to be a place to go when you can’t sleep or if you’re tired of getting drunk, and the grass doesn’t work anymore. And I don’t mean go on to hash or cocaine, I mean a place to go besides a death that’s waiting, and a love that doesn’t work anymore. There ought to be a place to go when you can’t sleep besides a tv set or a movie or a newspaper or...
I'm so tired of:
feeling sick; panic attacks; wanting to cry & not being able to; missing you; being a hypocrite; not sleeping; worrying about my sanity; social anxiety & shyness; not caring; this place; never speaking more than >50 words a day with you; selfishness; not having confidence; this intense, unidentifiable need within me that claws at my insides every second of every day.
Mary Jane
Please excuse me while I copy & paste one of the songs that I had on repeat during the 4 hour trip home today. (Mind you, it was difficult to really pay attention to whilst crying, but I feel that it really applies.) And just to be extra obnoxious, I’ll boldface & italicize the parts that stuck out to me. “What’s the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day? So place the...
The firemen worked in double shifts, with prayers...
I can feel myself retreating back into the small, convenient world inside my mind. I can no longer taste the air pulsing around me, smell on-coming rain, or feel the magic in the trees. I am folding myself up, clipping my wings, and stashing my soul somewhere safe inside of me. Just a few minutes ago I was standing outside with my head tilted to the sky. I focused as hard as I could on feeling the...
“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I...”
– Neil Gaiman (via: unicornology)
April 2009
49 posts
Oh believe me when I tell you- I'll never make it...
“The Swine Flu just hit level 5. It’s an official Pandemic now. Wash your hands every three hours, don’t share water bottles, don’t kiss anyone, and don’t come in contact with ANYONE who is sick.” He said to me, with wide eyes and rapid hand gestures. I could see the fear oozing from my dad’s poors as he warned me against any and all contact with runny...
Color me blue; I'm lost in you.
Standing in front of all those boys this morning, I couldn’t stop shaking. Cindy had given me the main role- the victim role- in today’s sociodrama. To say that I was nervous was more than an understatement. Blurting out my first few lines was difficult, but soon it became easier. I sort of fell into the role; like taking a flying leap from a building, and landing in someone...
Daydream; I fell asleep amongst the flowers, for a...
I’m not sure if I’m ready to describe the electricity that raced through my body and jolted my soul from it’s life-long sleep. I’m not sure if I will ever be ready, or able to put into words everything that I felt when we were in that place; but I sure as hell will try. Last night we went for a walk, intending to go to the library down the road, when suddenly you stopped. I...
But I couldn't think of anywhere I would've rather...
Sometimes I feel like entire cities were built in my head on foundations of false hope; and were torn down to reveal the stunning absence that lay beneath them. When this happens, I don’t know what to do with myself. I lace my fingers together; bite my lip; look around, and pretend that I’m not slowly rotting on the inside. As depressing as that sounds though, it feels a bit hopeful to...
“There is no one else that I can say this to,
And there is nothing better than...”
– Us Against The World by Play
Sometimes, truths just appear.
Stormyyy Aurora: Tell me, how does it feel when you realize these things emotionally?
LiquidxFaerie: I dont know. I run too quickly.
Stormyyy Aurora: You do run to quickly, but who can blame you?
LiquidxFaerie: I just don't know how else to deal with it. I run, then I come back and poke at the dead corpse of those feelings until I can make sense of them.
LiquidxFaerie: Its like an emotional autopsy.
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the...”
– Paulo Coelho (via brokenmachine)
“And I guess it doesn’t matter who I am or pretend to be, ‘cause...”
– A Wish by Gregory and the Hawk. (How appropriate.)
This is the sound of settling.
“My family and my friends, here, have many other things and people in their lives and are not so bound up by my lacks and failures; do not rely on me to inject them with encouragement, meaning, and hope—the way my online friends do.” You couldn’t possibly be any more wrong. You’re my mother. My freaking mother. Don’t you think that I need you to “inject me with...
Maybe misery is what I need to keep my sanity.
I’ve only just woken up, and I’m already having a panic attack. I can feel it coursing through my entire body. Waves of nausea ebb and flow; tremors pass through my arms and travel down to my fingers; my chest tightens, making it near impossible to breathe. I’m hoping that sitting here, writing about it will make it better. I’m so afraid.
Kiss me again, and ease my s-s-s-sufferin'.
Just hearing you say those words made my stomach lurch. “That was our thing. He never did that before me; I introduced that to him.” Hearing you say them again made me taste bile. And when you said them a third time, I felt for sure like I was going to throw up. Is nothing that he’s said to me special? Was everything said to you, discarded, picked up from the trash heap, and...
I sleep to dream; I dream to sleep.
I feel sort of like I’m cracking in half. Right down the middle. Splitting pain is tearing through my brain, neck, and spine. And I don’t know what it’s from. Not to mention my heart, which stings like bruised flesh. My eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep, and my fingers shake from nearly constant panic. I don’t want to complain; I very much dislike complaining. But I...
infinitybegins:
Best Friend<3 We have something rare.
“And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we’ll make it anywhere” Best Friend<3 We have something no one else has.